Sleepless is a reflection on the double-edged sword of romantic desire. Desire that is free to be fulfilled can be beautiful, but when directed at someone or something that is prohibited, desire can be a conflicted, solitary, even painful, experience. Through self-portraits and recreated scenes from my life, this series explores moments when I either fulfilled or suppressed romantic desires.
For 10 years I have been in a relationship with the love of my life. Yet during our partnership, I have had to confront in myself romantic feelings for other people, a lack of faith in the concept of monogamy, and the realization of my queer identity. My love for my partner continues to be strong and fulfilling. Yet at times, my other desires have left me feeling trapped in my body – ashamed, secretive, and self-destructive.
These images portray my internal, emotional experiences of those desires. I offer this series not to be read as a clear narrative, but as a rhythm. My goal is for each photograph to be ambiguous, to suspend viewers in the grey area between propriety and transgression – a territory where many of us find ourselves.