SLEEPLESS

Sleepless is a reflection on the double-edged sword of romantic desire. Desire that is free to be fulfilled can be beautiful, but when directed at someone or something that is prohibited, desire can be a conflicted experience. Through self-portraits and recreated scenes from my life, these images revisit times in my life when I followed desire to an ambiguous, transgressive, or destructive place. 

For 10 years I have been in a relationship with my husband, the love of my life. Yet during our partnership, I have had to confront in myself romantic feelings for other people, a lack of faith in the concept of monogamy, and the realization of my queer identity. These desires have often left me feeling trapped in my body – ashamed, secretive, and self-destructive.

Certain images are recreated scenes from my life, and in some cases I return to the location where the event occurred to make photographs. Others are visual interpretations of emotional experiences. The diptych format expresses the duality of my internal and external worlds and how we express – or keep secret – our desires.

I offer this series not to be read as a clear narrative, but as a rhythm. My goal is for each photograph to be ambiguous, to suspend viewers in the grey area between propriety and transgression – a territory where many of us eventually find ourselves.